Previously on Manifesting a Man:
I have been repeatedly asked by women seeking to manifest a man of their dreams why they couldn’t / haven’t been able to attract the right person into their lives. In the last post, Manifesting a Man Part 1, I wrote about a story of a woman who was clear on the characteristics she wanted in a man but ended up with a male cat with all the characteristics of her dream hunk. Believe me, she is not alone. I have had women telling me that they found the man with the perfect characteristics except he is, 20 years too young, married, gay..etc
I have also outlined the 3 major barriers to manifesting our intentions:
- Limiting Beliefs: what are some of the beliefs you may have adopted in your past that no longer serve you?
- Believability: do you really think that your desires are possible?
- Commitment: how committed am I to attain / attract my desires?
The universe is very funny in how it manifests our desires. The universe cannot distinguish between what we want and what we do not want, it only responds to what we give our attention to. This applies to both our conscious desires as well as our subconscious feelings and beliefs. When we hold on to beliefs that no longer serve us in manifesting our desires, these beliefs become “limiting beliefs”. Limiting beliefs are tricky because it can plague us both on a conscious level and on a subconscious level. Most of the time, a lot of our limiting beliefs exist on a subconscious level. Since the universe cannot distinguish your feelings from the consciously level and the subconscious level, it is often confused by the intentions we create for ourselves.
Since we are on the topic of trying to manifest a man, I shall pick an example for our discussion…
My parents had a turbulent relationship. My father began dating my mother soon after he got his heart broken by an ex-girlfriend. My parents got married 6 months after they began dating each other (can anyone smell “rebound” here?). The marriage was turbulent from the start beginning with a huge argument during their honeymoon. After less than a year of being together, my father suggested to my mother that they should consider splitting up and getting a divorce. My mother was not going to have any of this. She didn’t want to “look bad” to her friends and family and she thought if she would get pregnant, she could make my dad stay… BIG MISTAKE.
Long story short, my dad left, leaving my mother, my twin sister and I behind. He left us the day before grade one for 5 years, came back for another 4 years, then finally divorced my mother and left again indefinitely. Ever since the age of 7, my sister and I have been hearing never ending complaints about my father and his irresponsible ways and how men are so unreliable.
You can probably see where this is going. I began dating when I was 21 years of age (yes, I was a late bloomer). My first boyfriend and I were together for almost two years. He was trying desperately to get into medical school at the time and when he didn’t get into med school due to lack of traveling experiences, he left to go work somewhere else in another country to improve his credentials.
Limiting Belief: Men will always leave
The second boyfriend came around and he was already in medical school in the same city I was living in, but I thought I should better leave him before he leaves me. So, I left to go to another country to pursuit of a doctorate degree myself! Pretty cool eh? When I finally decided to return to my home town, this medical student boyfriend of mine got a residency position in another city, 5 hours plane ride away. Needless to say, he left anyways.
After this had happened, I took the Landmark Education and realized that I have this limiting belief that “men leave”. I was so hurt that I decided to close my eyes to the world of men. For a long time, I didn’t really have any serious relationships.
Limiting Belief: There are no good men out there
No wonder I couldn’t find anyone good, even if there was a nice guy that showed up right in front of me, I wouldn’t even notice his existence. Recently I learned that when we have limiting beliefs, we often have to ignore something in order for the limiting belief to remain true. For example, if I held the limiting belief that “men will always leave”, I will always get myself into relationships with men that will leave. And if he doesn’t leave, I’ll push him away so that he would leave.
So, I decided to declare that I shall open my eyes to men and be open to possibilities that show up. Soon after I made this choice, a great man showed up in my life. This man is self-aware, gentle, and patient. While I was mildly aware that I still had this limiting belief that “men leave”, I wasn’t as diligent with addressing this limiting belief. Luckily for me, this wonderful man who is now my husband was able to identify this limiting belief of mine and reminded me of it every time when I tried to push him away. Lucky me!
Eliminating Limiting Beliefs
This week a woman asked me how she could eliminate her limiting beliefs about men so she could successfully attract a wonderful man in her life. There are many ways of addressing limiting beliefs and the first step to disappearing any limiting beliefs is to become aware of them.
Awareness is the process of identifying our thoughts and beliefs and the meaning we have given those thoughts and beliefs. While this seems to be a relatively easy task, what I am noticing is that many thoughts and beliefs are hidden. We also have many limiting beliefs that are normalized by us over the course of our time here. For example, for many cultures around the world, it is quite common to assume that women are housewives and men are breadwinners. There are also some places around the world in which men can have many wives. Not that this is particularly right or wrong, it just is for many people. Back in my colleage days, a woman who was the teacher for the religion of Islam in my religious studies class told me that a woman would often urge her husband to take in additional wives so that she could have other “sisters” to hang out with. I don’t think these women get to hang out outside of the house much and they are very lonely with the company of “the other wives”.
The point of the discussion here is that many of our limiting beliefs have been normalized by us and we no longer see them as limiting beliefs. A good example a limited belief that I had was “no Chinese man will be able to stand me”. My mother said that to me when I was around 14, citing my rebellious ways will upset traditional Chinese men. I ended up marrying a white guy…
For the purpose of trying to attract a man, it is important to look at what you really think about men. I recently came up with a great assignment which is:
Write a journal entry titled: What I think about men.
Since this is structured like a journal entry, there is no need to worry about grammar or sentence structure. It is best to write out whatever comes to your head, good or bad, strange or normal. Just write. At the end of it all, read it over yourself or have someone else read it for you. You might uncover interesting things…
This is a lot like looking into a mirror. This is not the kind of mirrors we have in our bathrooms, but rather, the kind of mirrors that reflect our deepest thoughts and desires. So far, I have identified several different methods of self reflection that have worked for me so far.
- Write in a Journal and have a conscious being read it.
This may include yourself. When I did a lot of writing when I was upset, I found my writing to be quite amusing to read later. I also found that I was able to solve my own problems by writing out my thoughts and feelings.
- Find a wise friend to speak to.
You might have noticed that not all friends are wise and not all wise people are friends. Most of the time, your friends are the ones that react to the same situations you are reacting to because they are your friends. However, a wise being will not react to anything you say. For example, if a friend tells me: “the field of men is like a crowded parking lot, all the good spots are taken and the only spots left are handicapped”, I would say, “if this is what you believe, it will become your reality”. Not a nice comment to make at all, but I really do not want to say things like, “I know! Where are all the good guys?”
- Attend a personal development workshop.
I highly recommend this one because when I go to personal development workshops such as the Landmark Forum, a group of people like myself gather together in one room and they talk about the “stories” and “crap” that is happening in their lives. They talk about their past conditioning and how much their parents are to blame for the failures in their lives. While sitting in the room and listening to these stories (and offering a few of my own of course), I found that I am not alone, there are many other people out there that was as screwed up as I am! Some how, these stories act as a mirror for my subconscious. I see myself in other peoples’ stories and how ridiculous my thoughts can be about certain situations. I call this “popping”. It was like a limiting belief that popped out from my subconscious mind into my conscious mind, making it possible for me to be more aware of my thoughts and feelings.
- Get a coach.
The field of coaching is a relatively new and misunderstood one. When working with a coach, all he/she does is ask you questions–digging deeper down from the conscious into the subconscious with each and every question. This is an extremely effective strategy to gain awareness. If you don’t have any friends who are wise, get a wise coach!
That’s it for this section, I think this must be the longest blog post I have ever written and there are still two more points to cover: believability and commitment.
Until next time…